Trick or Treat, Motherf*cker! Every 'Halloween' Film Ranked

Although global warming is ruining it to some degree, it's officially October. The time of year when nights (are supposed to) become chilly, leaves change colors, and stores you typically hate going into are filled with creepy decorations that you just can't resist. It's the best time of year, especially for fans of horror who get to see their favorite genre highlighted in places that it normally wouldn't be. It's a month-long celebration of spookiness and we can all breathe a sigh of relief that it's finally here.

Okay, now that the sigh of relief is out of your system, go ahead and suck that air back in and hold your breath until the end of this article. You're going to want to save it for all the yelling you'll be doing at me in the comments section. Like many of you, the Halloween franchise is near and dear to me. The original film is the first horror movie I remember watching at 4 or 5 years old and, in addition to scaring the shit out of me, it kicked off my lifelong love for the genre. I revisit the films every October, in order of release despite all of the retconning, and I'm well-aware that my opinions don't match the norm. 

I'm okay with that.

Full disclosure: this isn't the first time I've ranked the films in the Halloween series, but it's been a few years and my ranking has been altered significantly since then. After several revisits and shifting of opinions, here are the films of the Halloween franchise ranked from worst to best by some random guy on the internet. 

11.) Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Each film in the Halloween series is enjoyable to some degree and Halloween 5 certainly isn't without its bright spots. Donald Pleasence as Dr. Sam Loomis is always a treat, it bravely shakes things up by killing a main character early into the film (maybe to its detriment, but courageous nonetheless), and Danielle Harris gives an especially great child performance as the traumatized and tormented Jamie Lloyd. Unfortunately, there aren't too many more positives. It's the only movie of the series that can be rather boring at times, it plays like a recycled, worse version of the installment that came before it, and Michael's mask is all kinds of awful. I'm sorry to be the one to break this news to you, but The Revenge of Michael Myers is the worst film of the Halloween franchise.

10.) Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Halloween: Resurrection isn't much better, if better at all. It frequents the bottom of these rankings, but there are two redeeming qualities that keep Resurrection from falling into last place: it dared to do something a little less routine by playing with early-2000s technology and making it an essential part of the story (it doesn't make it GOOD, just different), and, more importantly, it's entertaining as hell. Halloween: Resurrection toes the line of being a straight up comedy. Was that intentional? Unlikely. Does it make for a fun watch? Hell yes. Busta Rhymes gets so many ridiculous and funny moments throughout Resurrection that it's almost enough to make you forget how the beginning of the film wrecks the great ending of Halloween H20 and is completely unjust in its treatment of Laurie Strode. Okay, maybe not almost, but it's still more enjoyable than Halloween 5. 

09.) Halloween (2007)

It almost feels unfair to rank Rob Zombie's remake so low considering that there are some genuinely good moments throughout. Michael Myers is big and scary, the violence is unparalleled to anything the series had offered so far, and the cast is insanely underrated. The issue is a matter of preference and taste. Too many times, Zombie leans on the shock value of his violence rather than building suspense and dread the way Carpenter and Debra Hill managed way back in 1978. Where the original film showed restraint, Zombie's take on the material is abrasive, overwhelming and dirty. For some, that works. For me, it doesn't. 

08.) Halloween II (1981)

Halloween II is the best Friday the 13th movie ever made. It makes solid use of its hospital setting and gets two more really strong performances from Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence, but there's a stark decline in quality from the original film to this more straightforward slasher fare. The hospital employees aren't particularly likable for the most part, nor do they take their job seriously enough, and each one feels like the standard archetype of 1980 slasher movie victims. When you accept the film for what it is, it compares favorably to the slashers of its type. But as a follow-up to one of the best horror movies ever made, it's the film equivalent of a shoulder shrug. 

07.) Halloween (2018)

The weirdest thing about David Gordon Green's Halloween isn't so much that it retcons everything in the franchise other than the original film, but that it uses the same title as the original film. Now we have three movies named Halloween - one of which is a remake of Halloween and one that is a sequel to Halloween. It's way too confusing. As for the quality of the film, though, Green's Halloween is... fine? It's an especially well made yet middling Halloween sequel that plays like a greatest hits collection of the films that it erased from canon. Fans have already proclaimed that it's far and away the best sequel of the series, but, well, I disagree. There's enough good here to keep me excited for the already-announced sequels, but Halloween 2018 doesn't quite justify its excessive overhaul of the franchise. 

06.) Halloween II (2009)

Often considered to be among the worst of the franchise, this sequel is begging to be reevaluated. Halloween II suffers from all of the same things that bogged down Rob Zombie's remake, but it improves over its predecessor (and many other films within the series) by swinging for the fences and being distinctly visionary. Zombie's sequel, though imperfect, is a meditation on grief and the effects that trauma has on the human psyche. Zombie puts these characters through the hell of their own mind and continually twists the knife. Because of this, it carries an emotional weight that makes Halloween II the most unique of the Michael Myers-centric films. 

05.) Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The Curse of Michael Myers is perhaps the title that most divides fans of Halloween. It is... bizarre. I'll give its detractors that much. Picking up several years after the wild ending of Halloween 5, this sequel reveals that Michael Myers' immortality and near-supernatural abilities stem from a druid curse and the cult who is using him to their advantage. It's a bit of a mess and the behind-the-scenes troubles are no secret among fans of the franchise, but this is absolutely the scariest version of Michael Myers we've ever received. From the terrifying opening scene to its final moments, Michael is driven like never before. Curse is more successful than any of the other films at displaying just how purely evil Michael Myers is. That alone makes up for its shortcomings. 

04.) Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

The post-Scream, hip cast, modern soundtrack installment of the Halloween franchise may sound a bit cringe-worthy on paper, but execution is everything, and Halloween H20 is genuinely one of the best films of the long-running series. Though it retcons the events of every sequel after 1981's Halloween II and gives Michael Myers his humanity back to some degree, it's nevertheless effective at building suspense (unbearably so at times), and it features a killer climactic showdown between Laurie Strode, who refuses to be a victim, and her then-brother. It also has the most satisfying ending of any film in the series, so it's a real shame that the events were undone at the beginning of Halloween: Resurrection. Still, had H20 been the final film of the franchise, it would've ended on a true highlight.

03.) Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

Halloween 4 is easily the second best Michael Myers installment of the series. Director Dwight H. Little builds adequate suspense throughout and cinematographer Peter Lyons Collister beautifully captures the Fall aesthetic, giving the events of the film an immensely satisfying backdrop for seasonal viewing. Michael Myers falls more in line with the version of him we saw in the first two films rather than later installments and the characters feel more like real people than the stereotypical slasher victims of the time. Even the sleazier characters aren't clean-cut and are given a moment to shine. It's a fan favorite for a reason and it's hard to disagree that it's among the best of the franchise.

02.) Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

It's insane to me that there was ever a time when Halloween III was predominantly hated. It still has its share of detractors, but the film has, largely, started receiving due credit as a classic in its own right. There's no Michael Myers this time around (except for on the television), but there is evil witchcraft that is harvested from the mystical powers of Stonehenge rocks and used for the mass murder of children on Halloween night - so really, who needs him. The tone is dark and full of dread, enhanced more-so by the ominous synth score by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth, several of the images are unforgettable, and the performances by Tom Atkins and Dan O'Herlihy pull the whole thing together. It rules.

01.) Halloween (1978)

In regard to its quality alone, Halloween is one of the greatest horror films ever made. Once you factor in its legacy and decades-long influence, it's a no-brainer that John Carpenter and Debra Hill's slasher masterpiece would claim the top spot on any sane ranking. It's iconic in every sense of the word, masterfully building dread and suspense without ever once overplaying its hand. The performances are great, the score is timeless, and The Shape is a ferociously dark enigma that allowed Michael Myers to become one of cinema's - not just horror's - most popular villains. It's been a staple of every October for over 40 years and it always will be. No matter the decade, Halloween kills. 

Halloween (2018) Review: Jamie Lee Curtis Shines in Disappointing Sequel

You don’t like that title, do you? I assure you, I feel the same way.

Much like last Fall (or close enough to it), my excitement for a big horror release has been in overdrive. Last year because of Andy Muschietti’s big-screen adaptation of It, and now because of Halloween. Like all of you, I’m a hardcore fan of John Carpenter’s original film and I grew up loving the sequels that followed, however lackluster some of the installments may be. Despite glaring flaws, there are likable qualities in *almost* every entry of the series, and David Gordon Green’s new sequel is no exception. With that being said, Halloween 2018 is an underwhelming experience that fails to capitalize on its brilliant central idea.

It’s been 40 years since Michael Myers terrorized babysitters in the town of Haddonfield. Because of the trauma she’s been forced to endure, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) has come face to face with personal demons and devastating losses since surviving Halloween night all those years ago. She’s gone through two marriages, lost her daughter to Child Protective Services, and kept to herself in an isolated, heavily-protected home. Her only daughter (Judy Greer) resents her, which has created complications between herself and her teenage granddaughter (Andi Matichak). She’s prayed every night since Michael Myers was captured that he would escape confinement so she can kill him, and while Michael is being transferred the night before Halloween, her wish comes true. The Shape escapes the bus and once again terrorizes Haddonfield, Illinois on the titular holiday, leaving Laurie and local law enforcement to hunt him down and put an end to the decades-long nightmare.

The new entry ignores every sequel to its 1978 counterpart, and since the Halloween franchise is unabashedly inconsistent with its continuity, asking fans to temporarily forget that those films exist is completely fair. The issue with that, though, is that Green and his co-writers, Danny McBride and Jeff Fradley, remind us of those sequels constantly. Fan service was to be expected of course, but much of Halloween 2018 plays like a greatest hits collection of sequels that were retconned. Choosing to ignore those films was an unspoken promise to deliver something different, but, in large part, Green and company have given us more of the same.

The central story had the potential for greatness, especially since Jamie Lee Curtis graces the film with a phenomenal, career-best performance as the flawed-yet-totally-badass heroine, but there are so many moving pieces around it that the execution feels unfocused. Much of the sequel, actually, plays like a straightforward slasher flick while Michael roams Haddonfield, killing multiple people at random. Many of those kills are off-screen, but there are flashes of brutality in the moments we are shown. Some of it works, but a lot of it doesn’t. Green moves from kill to kill without building much atmosphere or tension, and even though he wraps it in a pretty package with tracking shots and moments of visual flair, there is seldom a moment when he forces the viewer to feel what’s happening.

With rare exceptions, the humor of this entry tends to get in the way of any glimpses of tension. It’s surprisingly funny at times (a young character named Julian is legitimately hilarious), but that humor should have taken a back seat during the moments that we’re supposed to be afraid. Characters say and do things that are played for laughs during these otherwise intense scenes, and I found it disappointing that my entire theater was cracking up in a time that they should have been on the edge of their seat.

Aside from Laurie and the slightest bit of attachment to her family, the new characters here, especially the teens, are horrendous and annoying. They exist inside of your standard slasher stereotypes, and their sole purpose is to be murdered (which you’ll likely be begging for), but most of them die off-screen, and one of them wrongs Laurie’s granddaughter and is just never seen again. But I swear on everything- including the characters in Halloween: Resurrection and the other mostly-bad entries, this sequel features the absolute worst: Dr. Sartain. I am baffled as to how his character and the arc it culminates in made it into the final cut of the movie. There’s a late moment involving Sartain that made me shake my head and cuss under my breath. I looked at the exit, I can't lie. It’s awful.

It’s hardly a surprise that Halloween 2018 builds toward a crowd-pleasing finale, but by the time it reached these moments, I had already grown cold towards the annoyances. That’s not to say that the finale is bad in any way, just that it cannot save this sequel from mediocrity. Even the tremendous revamped score by John Carpenter, his son Cody, and Daniel Davies is utilized poorly. I’m genuinely glad that Michael Myers is back. I’m happy for Jamie Lee Curtis that she got to portray Laurie Strode in a way that truly adds to the legacy of that character. I’m even stoked that many fans seem to love this entry. It’s being labeled as the best sequel to Carpenter’s original, and for you, it may be.

As for me? It’s not even close.