'Eli' Entertains With Confident Absurdity (Review)

We're only a few days out from the first game of the 2019 World Series, so I'll begin this review with a baseball analogy. Eli, Netflix's latest original horror film, is not a home run. It's not an RBI triple, a double, or a line-drive single that sneaks past the short stop for a base hit. No, Eli is something else entirely. This is the film equivalent of stepping up to the plate with two outs and the game on the line, and surprising your opponent with a bunt. It's a baffling decision, but one that calls for a tremendous amount of confidence. Confidence in your precision as a bunting batter, as well as confidence in your speed as a runner. If you're thrown out at first base and your team loses the game, every media outlet and fan around the world will question your decision. If you make it safely to the base, though, those same naysayers will commend the play and the confidence it took to pull it off successfully. Eli is that very bunt, and goddammit, it's safe at first. 

Directed by Ciaran Foy (Sinister 2), Eli follows its titular character - a young boy with a disease that forces him to live in protective gear due to extreme and painful allergic reactions to the outdoors - as he enters a facility to be treated for his condition. Sealed off from the outside, the child is overjoyed to finally remove his protective gear and interact with his parents (Kelly Reilly & Max Martini) in a somewhat normal manner. However, Eli soon discovers that the facility he's being kept in is haunted and that the doctors who occupy it may not be what they seem. 

Eli defies logic in the sense that every last second of it is just ridiculous and absurd, but also, and more importantly, because that confident absurdity works in its favor. Foy's ability to take this story seriously and deliver it to us straight is a miracle in and of itself. His assured tone in the face of nonsense is the crowning achievement of this production. Not to be overlooked are the performances of Charlie Shotwell as sickboy himself, Kelly Reilly as his loving mother, and Lili Taylor as the potentially untrustworthy doctor. Shotwell in particular shoulders most of the weight and his performance is likable enough for viewers to remain invested (Child actors sometimes have the opposite effect) even when the story goes off the rails. 

But it's the extent to which the story goes off the rails that ultimately makes Eli such a recommendable film. It's hardly the best horror movie of 2019. It doesn't even belong in the discussion. Still, it's undeniably one of the most entertaining. It takes bold, bat-shit crazy risks with unwarranted confidence, and that alone makes this a must-see viewing experience. It's an underdog, and underdogs are easy to root for. 

By the time its insane climax came to a close, I was clamoring for a sequel that follows the remaining characters down the new path that the film had set them on. Will that ever happen? Unlikely. But, sometimes, despite the odds stacked against them, the bunter makes it to first base. 

Score: 3.25/5

What Lurks 'In the Tall Grass' (Review)

Fear is a funny thing, really. I'm afraid of heights, but somewhere in the world, some crazy bastard is jumping out of an airplane for fun right now. Some people are afraid of horror movies, but I watch them in order to sleep comfortably at night. It feels as though no two fears are the same, yet, the truth is, we're all afraid of what's waiting for us in the tall grass. In the great unknown of our lives. Each and every decision we make can feel like wandering through a field with thick grass grown up over our heads and no clear-cut path of escape. We are left with our decisions and we are left with our fear of what's lurking behind them. Our fear of the future we can't see or even begin to comprehend. Our fear of mistakes and where they may leave us. The tall grass. 

In the Tall Grass - based on the novella (it's more of a short story) of the same name by Stephen King and Joe Hill - was written for the screen and directed by Vincenzo Natali (Cube, Splice) and it plays as a metaphor for those very fears. The film follows siblings Becky and Cal (Laysla De Oliveira & Avery Whitted), who are on a road trip to San Diego. Nauseated due to her pregnancy, Becky convinces Cal to pull off the side of the road so that she can vomit. They park beside a seemingly infinite field of tall grass and become concerned when they hear a young boy calling for help from somewhere inside. They venture into the grass to help the boy find his way out, only to become lost themselves and at the mercy of the sinister presence that resides there. 

Netflix has a knack for grabbing the rights to less-popular Stephen King adaptations. 2017 saw the streaming service release Gerald's Game and 1922 - both of them being among the very best Netflix original films - and they've done so again with In the Tall Grass, which joins the previous two titles in regard to its greatness. It would be a near-impossible task for any film adaptation to usurp the haunting and brutal story by King and the supremely talented Joe Hill, but Natali's take on the source material is an impressive stab at doing so. Along with the eerie, disorienting cinematography by Craig Wrobleski, Director Natali sows those seeds within our consciousness and urges viewers to observe their own journey through the tall grass while laying out a mind-bending nightmare for the characters of the film. 

At the center of that nightmare is a scene-stealing Patrick Wilson (The Conjuring, Insidious) who feels as though he was destined to chew on the meat of a Stephen King character. Hopefully this won't be the last time he's given a chance to do so. To talk more about his performance would lead into spoiler territory, and we certainly don't want that. "Laws no, we don't!" another King character might say. The rest of the cast carries their own weight here as well, with Harrison Gilbertson (Upgrade) especially standing out and allowing his character to gain unexpected sympathy from the audience.

The story isn't a long one and there's just barely enough material to stretch into a 90-minute film that, for the majority of its runtime, features characters wandering through grass and trying to find an exit. That the film remains gripping throughout is a testament to the atmosphere that Natali and Wrobleski manage to conjure, the patience Natali shows in layering the film with new elements at his own pace, and the engaging performances. One way or another, we all end up in the tall grass. You might as well start now.

In the Tall Grass is now streaming on Netflix.

Score: 4/5

'The Furies' is a Flawed but Brutal Diversion for Slasher Fans (Review)

Another week, another Shudder exclusive. Being a fan of horror without Shudder is like loving the sun but never going outside. It's such a cheap bill ($5.99 per month) for their impressive library of horror movies and television - some of which is exclusive to the streaming service itself. This week's exclusive, The Furies, comes from writer/director Tony D'Aquino, and it's a brutal diversion for slasher fans.

The film follows Kayla (Airlie Dodds) who is kidnapped alongside her best friend Maddie (Ebony Vagulans) and forced into the woods with several other women. Each of the women are placed separately throughout the forest and released from a box labeled "Beauty" and they are hunted by masked men who are released from a box labeled "Beast". Determined to find Maddie and keep her safe, Kayla braves the woods and the killers who inhabit it.

Viewers will find rather quickly that The Furies doesn't break new ground. It applies a slight twist to a familiar premise and the story itself goes nowhere particularly interesting. The script by Tony D'Aquino feels half-cocked and unsure of itself, there are several unintentional moments of hilarity, and the majority of the film's performances are lacking to say the least.

That's not to say that you can't find enjoyment within The Furies, though. In fact, I had quite a bit of fun with it. The central performance by Airlie Dodds is a strong one that showcases her range, even when she's let down by the script. Compared to the other performances, she's downright phenomenal. Dodds is tasked with carrying the film and it's largely due to her that it's not a total misfire. The practical effects, too, will be bliss for genre fans with an appetite for carnage. Faces get peeled off with axes, arms get yanked off of bodies, and heads literally explode. Each kill is suitably gnarly, and, thankfully, they happen often.

As director, D'Aquino also fares much better. The Furies doesn't call for fancy film-making by any means and he seems content to establish tension during the more horrifying moments and let the brutality and lead performance speak for itself. This is a throwback b-movie through and through and D'Aquino capably handles it as such with the help of cinematographer Garry Richards, who performs remarkably.

All in all, The Furies is a flawed but fun film with top-notch gore and a strong central performance. It isn't as gleefully filled with b-movie mayhem as recent titles such as The Domestics (which you should watch immediately), but there are far worse times to be had.

Score: 2.5/5

Trick or Treat, Motherf*cker! Every 'Halloween' Film Ranked

Although global warming is ruining it to some degree, it's officially October. The time of year when nights (are supposed to) become chilly, leaves change colors, and stores you typically hate going into are filled with creepy decorations that you just can't resist. It's the best time of year, especially for fans of horror who get to see their favorite genre highlighted in places that it normally wouldn't be. It's a month-long celebration of spookiness and we can all breathe a sigh of relief that it's finally here.

Okay, now that the sigh of relief is out of your system, go ahead and suck that air back in and hold your breath until the end of this article. You're going to want to save it for all the yelling you'll be doing at me in the comments section. Like many of you, the Halloween franchise is near and dear to me. The original film is the first horror movie I remember watching at 4 or 5 years old and, in addition to scaring the shit out of me, it kicked off my lifelong love for the genre. I revisit the films every October, in order of release despite all of the retconning, and I'm well-aware that my opinions don't match the norm. 

I'm okay with that.

Full disclosure: this isn't the first time I've ranked the films in the Halloween series, but it's been a few years and my ranking has been altered significantly since then. After several revisits and shifting of opinions, here are the films of the Halloween franchise ranked from worst to best by some random guy on the internet. 

11.) Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Each film in the Halloween series is enjoyable to some degree and Halloween 5 certainly isn't without its bright spots. Donald Pleasence as Dr. Sam Loomis is always a treat, it bravely shakes things up by killing a main character early into the film (maybe to its detriment, but courageous nonetheless), and Danielle Harris gives an especially great child performance as the traumatized and tormented Jamie Lloyd. Unfortunately, there aren't too many more positives. It's the only movie of the series that can be rather boring at times, it plays like a recycled, worse version of the installment that came before it, and Michael's mask is all kinds of awful. I'm sorry to be the one to break this news to you, but The Revenge of Michael Myers is the worst film of the Halloween franchise.

10.) Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Halloween: Resurrection isn't much better, if better at all. It frequents the bottom of these rankings, but there are two redeeming qualities that keep Resurrection from falling into last place: it dared to do something a little less routine by playing with early-2000s technology and making it an essential part of the story (it doesn't make it GOOD, just different), and, more importantly, it's entertaining as hell. Halloween: Resurrection toes the line of being a straight up comedy. Was that intentional? Unlikely. Does it make for a fun watch? Hell yes. Busta Rhymes gets so many ridiculous and funny moments throughout Resurrection that it's almost enough to make you forget how the beginning of the film wrecks the great ending of Halloween H20 and is completely unjust in its treatment of Laurie Strode. Okay, maybe not almost, but it's still more enjoyable than Halloween 5. 

09.) Halloween (2007)

It almost feels unfair to rank Rob Zombie's remake so low considering that there are some genuinely good moments throughout. Michael Myers is big and scary, the violence is unparalleled to anything the series had offered so far, and the cast is insanely underrated. The issue is a matter of preference and taste. Too many times, Zombie leans on the shock value of his violence rather than building suspense and dread the way Carpenter and Debra Hill managed way back in 1978. Where the original film showed restraint, Zombie's take on the material is abrasive, overwhelming and dirty. For some, that works. For me, it doesn't. 

08.) Halloween II (1981)

Halloween II is the best Friday the 13th movie ever made. It makes solid use of its hospital setting and gets two more really strong performances from Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence, but there's a stark decline in quality from the original film to this more straightforward slasher fare. The hospital employees aren't particularly likable for the most part, nor do they take their job seriously enough, and each one feels like the standard archetype of 1980 slasher movie victims. When you accept the film for what it is, it compares favorably to the slashers of its type. But as a follow-up to one of the best horror movies ever made, it's the film equivalent of a shoulder shrug. 

07.) Halloween (2018)

The weirdest thing about David Gordon Green's Halloween isn't so much that it retcons everything in the franchise other than the original film, but that it uses the same title as the original film. Now we have three movies named Halloween - one of which is a remake of Halloween and one that is a sequel to Halloween. It's way too confusing. As for the quality of the film, though, Green's Halloween is... fine? It's an especially well made yet middling Halloween sequel that plays like a greatest hits collection of the films that it erased from canon. Fans have already proclaimed that it's far and away the best sequel of the series, but, well, I disagree. There's enough good here to keep me excited for the already-announced sequels, but Halloween 2018 doesn't quite justify its excessive overhaul of the franchise. 

06.) Halloween II (2009)

Often considered to be among the worst of the franchise, this sequel is begging to be reevaluated. Halloween II suffers from all of the same things that bogged down Rob Zombie's remake, but it improves over its predecessor (and many other films within the series) by swinging for the fences and being distinctly visionary. Zombie's sequel, though imperfect, is a meditation on grief and the effects that trauma has on the human psyche. Zombie puts these characters through the hell of their own mind and continually twists the knife. Because of this, it carries an emotional weight that makes Halloween II the most unique of the Michael Myers-centric films. 

05.) Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The Curse of Michael Myers is perhaps the title that most divides fans of Halloween. It is... bizarre. I'll give its detractors that much. Picking up several years after the wild ending of Halloween 5, this sequel reveals that Michael Myers' immortality and near-supernatural abilities stem from a druid curse and the cult who is using him to their advantage. It's a bit of a mess and the behind-the-scenes troubles are no secret among fans of the franchise, but this is absolutely the scariest version of Michael Myers we've ever received. From the terrifying opening scene to its final moments, Michael is driven like never before. Curse is more successful than any of the other films at displaying just how purely evil Michael Myers is. That alone makes up for its shortcomings. 

04.) Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

The post-Scream, hip cast, modern soundtrack installment of the Halloween franchise may sound a bit cringe-worthy on paper, but execution is everything, and Halloween H20 is genuinely one of the best films of the long-running series. Though it retcons the events of every sequel after 1981's Halloween II and gives Michael Myers his humanity back to some degree, it's nevertheless effective at building suspense (unbearably so at times), and it features a killer climactic showdown between Laurie Strode, who refuses to be a victim, and her then-brother. It also has the most satisfying ending of any film in the series, so it's a real shame that the events were undone at the beginning of Halloween: Resurrection. Still, had H20 been the final film of the franchise, it would've ended on a true highlight.

03.) Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

Halloween 4 is easily the second best Michael Myers installment of the series. Director Dwight H. Little builds adequate suspense throughout and cinematographer Peter Lyons Collister beautifully captures the Fall aesthetic, giving the events of the film an immensely satisfying backdrop for seasonal viewing. Michael Myers falls more in line with the version of him we saw in the first two films rather than later installments and the characters feel more like real people than the stereotypical slasher victims of the time. Even the sleazier characters aren't clean-cut and are given a moment to shine. It's a fan favorite for a reason and it's hard to disagree that it's among the best of the franchise.

02.) Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

It's insane to me that there was ever a time when Halloween III was predominantly hated. It still has its share of detractors, but the film has, largely, started receiving due credit as a classic in its own right. There's no Michael Myers this time around (except for on the television), but there is evil witchcraft that is harvested from the mystical powers of Stonehenge rocks and used for the mass murder of children on Halloween night - so really, who needs him. The tone is dark and full of dread, enhanced more-so by the ominous synth score by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth, several of the images are unforgettable, and the performances by Tom Atkins and Dan O'Herlihy pull the whole thing together. It rules.

01.) Halloween (1978)

In regard to its quality alone, Halloween is one of the greatest horror films ever made. Once you factor in its legacy and decades-long influence, it's a no-brainer that John Carpenter and Debra Hill's slasher masterpiece would claim the top spot on any sane ranking. It's iconic in every sense of the word, masterfully building dread and suspense without ever once overplaying its hand. The performances are great, the score is timeless, and The Shape is a ferociously dark enigma that allowed Michael Myers to become one of cinema's - not just horror's - most popular villains. It's been a staple of every October for over 40 years and it always will be. No matter the decade, Halloween kills.