Shudder's 'Creepshow' is Horror for our Heroes (Review)

Shudder's series reboot of Creepshow is horror for our heroes. It is a love letter to the genre, its fans, and the pioneers who gathered this congregation of misfits. Tonally and stylistically, the first episode of the series falls in line with the two films that came before it - and while those films gave us something to love, this sublimely spooky reboot is a passionate reminder as to why we love it.

Episode one kicks things off with "Gray Matter", based on the story by Stephen King. It's only fitting, however, considering all that King has meant to the horror genre and to the Creepshow property itself. The fact that series-producer Greg Nicotero directed this segment is in particularly good taste as well. Over the course of several decades, Nicotero has built a legacy from his impeccable craft, adoration and knowledge of the genre. He shares the same heroes as us, but in many ways, he's become one himself. In a series that celebrates the vision of our heroes, it only seems right that Nicotero receive some of the spotlight.

"Gray Matter" gets Shudder's Creepshow off to an especially strong start as three long-time locals of a small town (Wonderfully played by icons Adrienne Barbeau, Giancarlo Esposito and Tobin Bell) are preparing to brave a hurricane that's heading their way. Hanging out in a convenience store that's been wiped out of all supplies save for dog and cat food, the three are surprised when one of the town's young residents enters the store, terrified by his sick and "changing" father, and not wanting to return home. Doc and Chief (Esposito and Bell) convince the boy to stay put in the store while they venture out into the storm to check on his father, but little do they know that the hurricane isn't the most dangerous thing happening in their town.

Nicotero nails the campiness of Creepshow in this first segment, bringing his impressive signature practical effects work and combining it with the story's dark humor and moments of sheer horror. There are Stephen King Easter eggs littered throughout the segment, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and the cast appropriately nails the campy tone. It's about as strong of a start as Shudder and its subscribers could possibly hope for, and considering some of the writers and directors that are attached to other segments as the series goes along, we have every reason to expect that it gets even better from here.

"The House of the Head" is the second and final segment of Creepshow's premiere episode and there are also several Easter eggs for Creepshow fans to keep their eyes peeled for here. Penned by John Malerman of Netflix's wildly successful Bird Box and directed by frequent George A. Romero collaborator John Harrison, the segment follows a young girl named Evie (The Walking Dead's Cailey Fleming) who receives a beautiful dollhouse from her parents. When a creepy, miniature severed head begins haunting the dollhouse and its residents, Evie curiously monitors the freaky but seemingly harmless dollhouse until things take a sinister turn.

Cailey Fleming, an up-and-coming star who almost single-handedly saved The Walking Dead with her presence alone, is tremendous here as she goes through the motions of a child watching a nightmarish fantasy unfold. Harrison expertly builds tension throughout (Which could've been a complete bust with a dollhouse as its core prop), and "The House of the Head" proves to not only be a worthy follow-up to "Gray Matter", but a promise of freshness in the midst of familiarity by Greg Nicotero and the dynamite collection of creative talent he's assembled.

The first episode of Creepshow is now available to stream, only on Shudder. 

Score: 4.25/5

10 Underrated Horror Films Streaming FOR FREE on Tubi

Since the dawn of time, the broke(n) have cried out for a savior. The cheap have searched for another way. The penny-pinchers have pinched their pennies and clutched them tightly with well wishes of having to spend nary a cent on the horror movies they're so desperate to see. Who will be the hero they're holding out for? Who will be the almighty entity who answers their prayers?

The answer is Tubi.

Tubi is a streaming service that you can download right now - like, right this very second - and have access to thousands of movies that you can watch for no cost whatsoever. None. You can save those pennies for the important things in life. You can shove 'em in a piggy bank and save them for your babies or you can say to hell with those babies and munch on a Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell while you scroll the infinite selection of film at your fingertips. Tubi gives you the freedom to make that decision, however difficult it may be (It's not that difficult, you know you're hungry).

In honor of Tubi being such an underrated and undervalued streaming service, I'm throwing a few horror titles your way that find themselves in the same boat. Like Tubi, these films totally rule but haven't quite received the respect and/or widespread recognition they deserve. Each of them, of course, can be streamed for free right now on the Tubi app, so grab yourself a Crunchwrap (They're good to go) and let the streaming begin!

The Loved Ones (2009)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xci4h83W3jY

Not exactly underrated (The Loved Ones boasts an impressive 98% on Rotten Tomatoes), Sean Byrne's near-perfect directorial debut has somehow fallen by the wayside in its ten years of existence. Featuring solid performances all around and an especially remarkable villain turn by Robin McLeavy as the bat-shit bubblegum princess of sadistic torture, The Loved Ones makes for a twisted, violent, and surprisingly emotional watch.

Ticks (1993)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSbk9Vn5eCU

Ticks suck... literally. Tony Randel's campy creature feature about massive mutated ticks attacking a group of troubled teens and social workers in the forests of California, though, does not. The performances here aren't great, admittedly, but the creature effects hold up (mostly) and are plenty effective for those of you looking for the cheese-topped heebie jeebies.

(I'm morally obligated to issue a severe trigger warning for fans of dogs, because yikes)

Frozen (2010)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiUNsDVjCbo

Sticking with themes of animals and wilderness, Frozen is the type of film that makes you want to stay in your house forever. Directed by Hatchet's Adam Green, Frozen follows a group of friends who find themselves at the mercy of nature and a pack of hungry wolves when they become trapped in a ski lift. This is a tension-filled showcase for Green, who uses the setting and premise to toy with our anxiety and deliver a tight, gut-churning and sometimes heartbreaking 90 minutes of horror.

Darling (2016)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8MXgy3NdhI

Darling plays like a cross between Rosemary's Baby and The Shining, with director Mickey Keating doing his best impressions of Roman Polanski and Stanley Kubrick behind the camera. That's not to say that Darling is a pale imitation, however. There is an undeniable influence behind Keating's work, but the film shines with its classic signature. Keating finds beauty within the cracks of his lead character's sanity, and Lauren Ashley Carter elevates that beauty with a god-tier performance. As her titular character escalates into madness, you'll find that she deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as the Mia Farrows and Jack Nicholsons that came before her.

Splinter (2008)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJndd5Eyz18

As far as monster movies go, Splinter checks all the boxes: The creature design is solid and utilized in ways that mask the film's modest budget, the performances are above average for a trapped-in-the-gas-station sort of B-movie (Shea Whigham ALWAYS kicks ass), and it sustains tension and adrenaline for most of its run-time. It may not be the most groundbreaking monster movie you'll ever see, but it successfully adheres to a tried and true formula.

Digging Up the Marrow (2015)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCSYNT7Xrfs

Adam Green has forged a career out of his passionate love for all things horror, so it comes as no surprise that he'd rear his head more than once on this list. Digging Up the Marrow is, at its core, a showcase for that love. It's a meta documentary-style film that stars Green as a fictionalized version of  himself who just so happens to be making a documentary about monsters. There's a deep affection and appreciation for the genre on display throughout the film, but Digging Up the Marrow is equally fueled by a juicy performance from Ray Wise as a man with proof that monsters actually exist. Green's film is hilarious and endearing without sacrificing tension, and you can watch it for free (!!!) right now. What a treat.

They Look Like People (2016)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBB0TUFxji0

They Look Like People is a shining example of how effective psychological horror can be on a modest budget. The film follows a pair of friends who reunite in New York City after some time apart. Though their friendship blossoms, one of the friends (Played magnificently by MacLeod Andrews) struggles to gain a grip on reality due to his belief that the human race is being taken over by evil creatures. The bond between the friends and the chemistry between the actors are the driving force behind They Look Like People's success, and first-time director Perry Blackshear slowly twists the tension that is built between them in a film that keeps you guessing until the very end. It's a borderline masterpiece that deserves a bigger audience.

Borderland (2007)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivjwqI8t6Zk

Loosely based on a terrifying true story, Borderland is a gritty and raw horror film reminiscent of Tobe Hooper's Texas Chain Saw Massacre. It's a disturbing tale of college students on vacation in Mexico who become involved with a sadistic religious cult that practices human sacrifice. Though hardly an easy watch as mostly-likable characters are given a horrifically haunting demise, it's a cut above the films with a similar premise that demands to be seen for its confident brutality and willingness to push boundaries.

Triangle (2009)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17XqBdCiHOI

Triangle is the sort of film that benefits from knowing as little as possible before viewing, but I can offer you this without ruining your experience: The film takes a science fiction premise and twists it to thrilling and often horrifying effect. Melissa George is phenomenal in the lead role, grounding the film's heady sci-fi and genre thrills with a performance that is emotionally compelling and unexpectedly moving. It's the best kind of mind-fuck and it demands to be experienced.

The Sacrament (2014)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM56RubwTHg

Ti West is largely known throughout the horror community as the filmmaker behind The House of the Devil and The Innkeepers, both of which are extraordinary. For whatever reason, The Sacrament hasn't earned that same recognition, but I'm here to tell you that this is West's most intense and unnerving film to date. Inspired by the disturbing real-life Jonestown Massacre, The Sacrament relentlessly builds tension and anxiety until its climax, where the events of the film mirror those that really took place. It's a sick, bleak and panic inducing look into the evil of power-hungry men and their manipulation of wayward souls.

Does Candy Corn Suck: An Interview with Creator George Renninger

Part One: The Candy Corn Conundrum 

It wasn't easy to get in touch with George Renninger, the unsung hero of candy corn lovers everywhere. The candy was first produced in the 1880's, after all - nearly a century and a half ago - and Renninger's mortal vessel has long since perished. To interview the man responsible for the greatest candy divide the world has ever known and determine once and for all if the seasonal sweet is any good or not, I would be forced to take drastic measures.

The first step was to teach myself the art of time travel. If movies such as Back to the Future, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Avengers: Endgame have taught us anything at all, it's that time travel is totally possible. With each of these movies presenting varying means of transportation to the past, I just had to find out which method actually works.

First, I took the Avengers: Endgame approach and tried standing on a telepad that was connected to a time machine. It's the highest grossing movie of all time, so naturally, it stood the better chance of being scientifically accurate. After thirty-seven minutes of remaining completely still on the launch pad, however, my associates graciously pointed out that the "time machine" was nothing more than a microwave with a digital clock, and also that the "launch pad" was simply a fuzzy black bath mat. Clearly, Marvel has no idea what they're talking about.

Next, I hopped in my former uncle's DeLorean and put the pedal to the metal. He hasn't been part of my family for nearly twenty years, but I knew he wouldn't mind lending his iconic beaut to a wonderful cause such as this. I pulled out of the driveway with style, spinning the tires and kicking pieces of gravel up into the air behind me. I had no doubt that Robert Zemeckis would lead me to the promised land, but I quickly ran into another unforeseen predicament.

It just so happens that the DeLorean I'd always seen parked out by the street in front of my former uncle's house wasn't his DeLorean at all. Perhaps I should have gathered that information from the fact that the mustachioed man that I was once related to had moved out of the state twelve years prior to this experiment and left his car behind for no particular reason, but hindsight is fifty-fifty. The sweet vehicle that I was speeding away in actually belonged to my former uncle's ex-neighbor, Tank. Tank is a shotgun enthusiast and he was mighty quick to start firing slugs at his own car. I checked out of the vehicle and hustled down the street on foot, immediately drawing the conclusion that Tank is not a man to be trifled with.

From there, I set my sights on the Bill & Ted time-traveling phone booth idea. With everything that had gone wrong so far, I was mighty surprised when this method of transportation failed the quickest of all. To be quite honest, I just couldn't find a phone booth anywhere. I guess everyone just has cellular telephones now or whatever. Congratulations to all you masters of technological sciences - you destroyed time travel.

As a lover of candy corn and a hater of being wrong, these setbacks left me with the bitterest of tastes in my mouth. Here I was, ready and determined to visit with Mr. Renninger in a decade far before my own, only to come up way short and look like a dang fool in front of the whole world and my former uncle's ex-neighbor Tank. But I couldn't - I wouldn't - allow myself to give up on this mission to interview the long-dead creator of candy corn. I refused to be a laughing stock among my peers and the venomous snakes that call themselves my friends. From those initial failures rose a determination the likes of which I'd never felt before, and from that determination blossomed a home run idea:

If I couldn't go to George Renninger, I was going to bring George Renninger to me.

Part Two: Planning a Seance

My quest to interview the legendary creator of candy corn next led me to my local Walmart, where I intended to purchase a Ouija board. I put my head down and trudged through a sea of vicious consumers, most of which were prancing through the aisles like rabid jackrabbits, slinging merchandise into their shopping carts and barking belittling demands at their hyperactive youngins. I've got a strong stomach, but I could barely stand to look at anything other than my own two feet. 

After several minutes of searching to no avail, I sought the help of an employee, who directed me to an aisle that was cluttered with the board games of children and teenagers who aren't yet old enough for real fun. Frankly, I was aghast and taken aback by this suggestion. Know this, dear reader: communicating with the dead ain't no game. This isn't Connect 4 or Tic-Tac-Toe. The only things that a Ouija board will give you in a row are terror, lifelong trauma and probable death. Leave it for the big boys and girls who know what they're doing.

Shockingly, there was no Ouija board to be found, even in that blasphemous aisle of underwhelming games. Walmart is too righteous for spirit boards but they can't pay their employees a salary that would allow them to live comfortably? I see you, Walmart, and I don't like it.

Since I hail from a relatively small town where nothing comes close to competing with that aforementioned nightmare of a store, I turned my attention toward Ms. Mertle, a local psychic who agreed to meet with me.

Judging by the crystal ball on the dining room table and the choir of cats wailing in unison over a half-empty can on tuna, I knew almost immediately that Ms. Mertle was legit. Her gray hair was curly and frayed in all different directions, but it was her neck tattoo that caught my eye - not because of the wicked manner in which the manners weaved atop her loose wrinkles, but because it was genuinely bad to the mother flippin' bone.

"These eyes see everything."

Noice.

Ms. Mertle offered me a seat at the dining room table where she charmed me to no end and shamelessly persuaded me into paying $150 for a palm reading before charging me another $150 to borrow her wooden board of Ouija. Once the dollar bills were in her hand, she was ecstatic to lend the board to such a righteous and totally rad cause such as this one. However, she didn't allow me to leave without first establishing a few ground rules.

1. Never Communicate Alone: Ms. Mertle made it abundantly clear that acting alone can be an overwhelming experience, especially if the subjected spirit has sinister or malicious intentions.
2. Establish Your Dominance: The dead aren't as strong as the living, but they are devious. Make sure they are aware who has the power so that they'll think twice before trying anything sneaky.
3. Have the Ouija board back within three days or I would be charged an additional $150. 

With the spirit board now secured, I was one step closer to interviewing George Renninger and determining once and for all if candy corn is good or not. The only thing left to do was assemble a team of devoted individuals who were as dedicated to the cause as I - and I knew just the place to start looking.

Part Three: The Team

Though it had only been two days since the DeLorean debacle, there was no question in my ever-optimistic mind that Tank, my former uncle's shotgun enthusiast ex-neighbor, would greatly benefit my team of candy corn explorers and advocates of truth. The only obstacle in my path was to own up to my past mistakes and hope like heck that Tank would forgive me.

The fearful sweat of my palms leaked across the twirly hair of my wrist when I rapped upon Tank's front door. Tucked into the front left pocket of my jeans was a miniature audio recorder that would be secretly taping our discussion in the case that Tank lashed out aggressively and left my mangled corpse in an overgrown pasture of wheat somewhere. I'll be referring to that audio now. 

Front door opens

Tank: You've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here after what you did to my DeLorean.

Me: It's good to see you too, Tank. Mind if I pop in for a few minutes? I have a rather important proposition to extend your way.

Awkward silence

Me: Alright man, listen. I'm sorry about your car, okay? It was an honest mistake that I can say with certainty will never ever happen again. Now, please... just five or six minutes of your time.

Door creaks open further

Tank: Five.

Me: Okay, five is cool. I can work with five.

Footsteps on hardwood floor

Me: That's a mighty nice front door you've got there, Tank. The mahogany finish may be faux but it really classes up this neighborhood a little bit.

Tank: What do you want?

Taking a seat on the cheap leather couch

Me: Man! Straight to the point. I like it and I respect it.

Tank: Four minutes.

Me: Okay, okay. Fair enough.

Adjusting on the couch

Me: Tank, my friend-

Tank: We're not friends.

Me: Okay, well, maybe we would be if you'd quit interrupting me and living in the past about that gosh-dang DeLorean.

Tank: It was two days ago.

Me: And? Two days is still in the past, Tank! Now, come on man. Have an open mind.

Tank: Three minutes.

Me: Fine. Fine. I'm here to talk to you about... candy corn.

Tank: Candy corn?

Me: Candy. Corn. 

Tank: The candy?

Me: Are you messing with me right now, Tank? Yes, the candy! Jesus. Do you like it?

Tank: Do I like Jesus?

Me: Christ, Tank. I know you like Jesus! You've got six crucifixes on the wall in your living room alone! I mean candy corn, man. The candy.

Tense silence

Tank: Yeah, I like. What's it to you?

For the duration of my visit with Tank, I discussed with him my plan to communicate with candy corn creator George Renninger via the Ouija board that I'd rented from Ms. Mertle. He wasn't exactly jazzed at the concept of communicating with the dead, but after reminding him that praying to Jesus is essentially the same thing, he agreed to tag along and be part of the seance under the condition that he could keep a shotgun in the car in the event that something should go wrong. I could dig that. Score one for new friendships.

Unfortunately, while it may only take two to tango, it takes three to Ouija. I mean, technically it could probably just be done with two people, but it's better to be safe than sorry when you're this deep into a plan.

After seven minutes of silent meditation and glancing over at Tank writing his name in his breath on the passenger-side window, it became all too clear who the third and final member of our seance team should be - and truthfully, I was disappointed that I didn't think of it sooner:

Mr. Ghost Adventurer himself, Zak Bagans.

I dodged the afternoon commute gracefully while swiping through my phone and opening the Twitter app, where I was surprisingly successful at communicating with our guy. Bagans agreed almost immediately and said he knew the perfect place for us to conduct our interview with George Renninger. I punched the location into the GPS since Tank didn't know how and we set out on our quest for the truth. Finally, we were going to have a definitive answer to the centuries old question:

Does candy corn suck?

Part Four: The Interview

By the time we arrived at Zak Bagans' agreed meeting place, night had begun to fall. The mailbox at the road assured us that we'd made it to our destination, but the house itself was hidden by the half mile of trees that surrounded both sides of the dirt driveway. When the headlights finally met the two story home - its wood appearing old and gray and the roof of its porch on the verge of caving in entirely - Bagans was squatting in front of the steps, his right hand resting on his kneecap while he stared upward toward the oncoming dusk. 

"Hi, Mr. Bagans," I said, closing the car door and extending my hand in his direction, "I'm a big-"

"Shh," Bagans pressed his lips together and whispered. "Do you feel that? The presence of this dusk has stirred the spirits here. They are awaiting us."

I concentrated on the sky but failed to see or hear whatever spiritual frequency Bagans was so focused on. I turned to the house and took in its ominous atmosphere. "You know, I don't swear often, but that's a creepy fucking house, Zak Bagans."

"It is a creepy fuh'n house, sir," Bagan replied, editing his own swear word while rising to his feet and brushing his hands against his jeans as though they'd been resting in the dirt, "Indeed it is." 

Zak Bagans nodded his head slightly toward the passenger side of the car. "Is he getting out or what?" 

"Oh! Yeah, he is," I assured him. "Tank is just a little religious, so he's probably praying to God or something." 

"His name is Tank?" Bagans questioned, stroking his index finger against his chin and sifting through his thoughts. 

"Yeah... Tank."

"Well," Bagans spoke after a moment of hesitation, "That should be okay. Spirits often times will attach themselves to any person named after a vehicle and ride them out of the afterlife - but I'm here and I have a lot of experience with this, so it should be fine."

It was clear to me then that Zak Bagans is absolutely out of his mind. 

Tank exited the car, carrying the Ouija board under his arm and meeting us in front of the house. "Hey, guys. Sorry about the delay, I was just praying for God to watch over us on this adventure. Would one of you like to hold this evil ghost communicator?"

"Yeah, I'll take it," I said, relieving Tank's nervousness and taking the Ouija board for myself. 

"Now, did you guys bless this Ouija board already or should we do that now?" Zak Bagans somehow asked with a straight face. 

"Excuse me?" I asked, again unsure of what he meant, prompting an eye-roll from Zak.

"Alright, everybody put your hands on the Ouija," Zak Bagans commanded. "It's imperative that you bless a Ouija board before use so that you rid it of any negative spirits that may have been previously attached to it. Now, come on and bow your heads. I've got this."

We bowed our heads and listened to Zak speak directly to the Ouija board that I'd rented from Ms. Mertle, where he threatened physical harm against any of the spirits who remained attached to it. It was... silly. For those of you who watch Ghost Adventures and question whether or not that super serious shtick of Zak Bagans is just an act, I promise you it isn't. That is 100% Zak Bagans. 

After several obscene threats to the previously attached ghosts of the Ouija board, the three of us stepped onto the creaky porch and faced the front door. I entered the house first, excited to finally summon the spirit of George Renninger. 

Zak Bagans was adamant about exploring the house and making sure that "no devils are afoot" while Tank and I set up the Ouija board on the floor of the living room. When Zak returned, confident that he'd scared away any of the evil spirits who were lingering in the vacant house, this impressive and slightly crazy team I had put together took a seat in a circle around the spirit board and joined hands. Zak Bagans may have been the paranormal expert, but this was my rodeo, and I knew exactly what I was doing. 

I closed my eyes and imagined George Renninger in a factory, sampling the first ever piece of candy corn and celebrating its tastiness with uproarious applause and handshakes from his peers. With this image in my mind, I repeated into the darkness, "George Renninger, creator of candy corn, we wish to speak with you" until the room became cold and I felt a powerful presence among us. I opened my eyes, glanced briefly at my teammates as they concentrated on the Ouija board, and placed my hand on the planchette. The whole world was finally going to know whether or not candy corn actually sucks. 

"George Renninger," I spoke nervously, "I'm a big fan of your work, but many folks are not. In fact, they think candy corn is the worst candy ever invented. We wish to speak with you, all powerful creator, and have you tell us if the candy is truly as awful as they say." I peeked at Tank, who was clearly frightened, and glanced once more at Zak Bagans, who now had his eyes closed. "So, Mr. George Renninger, without further ado, please tell me: Does candy corn suck?" 

A sudden gust of powerful wind slammed against the house as I finished my question and the brightest lightning I'd ever experienced flashed through the window. "I don't like this," Tank shouted, rising to his feet. "It's okay, Tank," I assured him, "a powerful spirit such as the creator of candy corn was always going to have an intimidating entrance. He's probably tapping into the energy of nature right now, trying to muster enough strength to communicate with us now - isn't that right, Zak Bagans?"

"No," Bagans growled in an otherworldly voice, opening his eyes and rising to his feet with the Ouija board in his hands. 

"What the heck are you doing, Zak?" I asked with much confusion, admittedly. "Put the Ouija board down so I can talk to George Renninger!" 

"There is no Renninger here, you fool!" Bagans cackled like a demon in some '80s horror film. He was a strange character, but I was beginning to suspect that something might be wrong. "And there's no Zak Bagans, either!" he laughed. 

"What the heck do you mean, Zak Bagans?" I questioned, rising from the floor so I could get to the bottom of this bizarre situation. 

"I'm the evil spirit that was previously attached to this Ouija board" Zak growled. "You unleashed me with your foolish seance and now this body is mine!" 

I have to admit, I was quite surprised by this revelation. It turns out that Zak Bagans wasn't nearly as crazy as he seemed. "Well, Mr. Spirit, I, for one, did not see this coming. I apologize for disturbing your slumber, but I'm going to need that Ouija board back for my research. So if you could please-"

"No!" the rude Zak Bagans demon shouted, breaking the Ouija board over his knee and tossing it to the floor. "I'm never going back!" 

"Oh, thanks a lot, man. I hope you've got $150 because I'm not paying for that!" 

"We need to leave!" Tank shouted to me over the sound of the howling wind, backing away from the Bagans demon. "Can't you feel the evil?"

"You're not going anywhere!" Bagans snarled, grabbing Tank and flinging him through the living room window. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled, taking a step backwards. "You can't just tell a man that he's not going anywhere and then throw him out of a window!" 

"With power like this, I can do whatever I want!" the Bagans demon laughed. "Now, it's time to die." 

The possessed Zak Bagans rushed towards me and wrapped his strong hands around my throat, squeezing so that I could not breathe. All I wanted was to find out the truth about my favorite seasonal candy, and what good came of it? The realization that time travel was impossible, Zak Bagans getting possessed by a Ouija board spirit and the death of my new friend, Tank. I could feel life slipping away from me and I was ready to cross on over to the other side. Fortunately, there was one final twist in our story. 

Tank, the shotgun enthusiast Christian ex-neighbor of my former uncle, appeared in the doorway with only a few gashes from being flung through the window, armed with the shotgun that he insisted he bring along on our mission. "God, forgive me" he cried through gritted teeth, squeezing the trigger and blowing a hole through the evil Zak Bagans' head, bringing his reign of terror to a premature end and saving my life. 

In this moment, with the world's most famous paranormal investigator dying horrifically before my eyes while being possessed by the very demon he provoked, things became clear to me. So what if I didn't get to interview George Renninger? Who really cares? Whether or not candy corn sucks is totally up to you. George Renninger can't change your mind and neither can I, Tank, or especially Zak Bagans. It's all for you to decide. 

Live in the present. Love what you love. Hold your friends close and don't use Ouija boards. Maybe that was George Renninger's recipe all along.

'Haunt' is Mandatory Viewing for the Halloween Season (Review)

Between Haunt and last year's horror masterpiece A Quiet Place (which they wrote together), Scott Beck and Bryan Woods have shown that their fingers are on the pulse of what makes us afraid. Their brand of tension is so anxiety inducing that it should come with a trigger warning. This time around, the duo have directed from their own script - whereas John Krasinski took the reins for last year's breakout hit - nary missing a beat and proving themselves to be effective filmmakers as well.

Set on Halloween night, Haunt follows a group of friends who, after leaving a party, decide to embark on a trip to an extreme haunted house in search of spooky holiday fun. The friends fit your standard, mostly one-note archetypes for this type of film, save for lead-character Harper (Katie Stevens) who is harboring the trauma of her past and struggling to gain control of her present, but each of the performances are solid enough that it's hardly an issue. You don't enter an extreme haunted house for deep characterization, after all. You do so to be scared. In that regard, Beck and Woods have crafted a white-knuckling funhouse that is mandatory viewing for the Halloween season.

The film-making pair kick things into high gear once the friends enter the extreme haunt, delivering one effective set piece after another, aided by the savagely creepy set designs and the cinematography by Ryan Samul. Each member of the cast is likable in their roles, allowing viewers to care just enough about the characters for the breathtaking tension of the film's first hour to carry stakes in regard to their survival when the true intentions of those working the haunt are revealed. Those first sixty minutes are as tense and frightening as any horror film you'll see in 2019.

Unfortunately, the final half hour doesn't quite meet the expectations of Haunt's masterful setup. The film devolves into a slasher of sorts, which is perfectly serviceable and fun, offering several gnarly kills and genre thrills, but the effectiveness of all that came before this shift hinged on the directing duo's willingness to take their time building adequate tension for each scare. Much of the final thirty minutes feels rushed, with character beats often falling flat and certain characters serving no real purpose to the film at all.

While these issues may derail the trajectory of Haunt's overall greatness, the good far outweighs the less-than-stellar aspects of the film. Scott Beck and Bryan Woods have gifted horror fans a strong film to add to their annual October lineup and solidified themselves as attention-demanding genre filmmakers in the process.

Score: 4/5

'It Chapter Two' and Stripping Evil of its Power (Review)

It Chapter Two begins with a horrific dose of real-world hatred. For a scene that closes with a killer clown taking a sizable bite out of a man’s flesh, it’s the violent bigotry on display in the minutes prior that truly makes this opening so disturbing - not only because of the brutal manner in which that bigotry is carried out, but because it’s an act that mirrors our world today.

Acceptance of different sexualities has never been as prominent within society as it is now, but for every vacated closet, there’s a bigot ready to inhabit it. In many ways, the cycle is reversing itself. Closets are now reserved for the vile, hate-filled bastards who can’t stand to see the world progress beyond what they’ve known or been taught by their narrow-minded circles of family and friends. They are angry because they no longer have the upper hand. Their power is being stripped from them, so they lash out at any given chance to get that fix. To feel that power. That’s why our current version of America is such a dangerous place for people and for progress. Those newly-closeted bigots have been given the greenlight to reclaim their freedom for hatred and to take back the power that they’ve felt dwindling before them. 

The need for that power is what drives the violence in this opening scene and stripping power away from evil is the parallel that connects the world of It and It Chapter Two to our own. 

The film takes place 27 years after the events of Chapter One, in which the Losers Club took the fight to Pennywise the *dancing* clown in the sewers beneath Derry, Maine. Now grown and far away from the freaky town they grew up in, the Losers are leading lives that strangely mimic their childhood, except they don’t really remember much about that. Derry shrouds your mind in a haze, and the further away you get from the town and the more time that passes, you tend to forget all about its haunting details. 

Pennywise is a long-forgotten memory for each of the Losers, save for Mike Hanlon (Isaiah Mustafa) who stayed put in Derry his entire life, waiting for IT to come back. Bill Denbrough (James McAvoy) is a successful, Stephen King-type author who has big studio movie adaptations of his works and is constantly catching low-blows from his peers about his inability to write a good ending (A criticism that King often - and unjustly - fields himself). Beverly Marsh (Jessica Chastain) is a highly regarded fashion designer in an abusive marriage. Eddie Kaspbrak (James Ransone) is a risk assessor who is married to a spitting image of his overbearing mother, played by Molly Atkinson, the same actress, in a bit of fun casting. Ben Hanscom (Jay Ryan) has long-shed his childhood weight and enjoyed success as an architect. Richie Tozier (Bill Hader) is now a famous stand-up comedian, and Stanley Uris (Andy Bean) lives a quiet life with his wife, far removed from creepy paintings that come to life and suck blood from your face. 

When the vicious killings start up again right on schedule, Mike reaches out to each of the Losers to remind them of their pact to return to Derry should IT ever return. Much of the first act of It Chapter Two handles this reunion, as the Losers return to their hometown and begin to remember the horrifying past that eluded their memory but continued to plague them for so many years. Now together again, it’s up to the childhood friends to put a stop to the evil entity once and for all. 

It’s inevitable that It Chapter Two will be frequently compared to the first film, but I find that unnecessary. Having watched both parts back to back on the night of Chapter Two’s premiere, I feel that both chapters blend together, almost seamlessly, to create one massive and epic experience. Director Andy Muschietti masterfully recaptures the balanced tone of the first film, blending horror, humor and heart to extremely satisfying effect. Some may find that the moments of humor undermine the horror, but that’s true to Muschietti’s funhouse vision. This is horror that scares rather than scars. Horror that excites and leaves you grinning from ear to ear with each elaborate new set piece. Chapter Two especially is an odyssey of beautifully bizarre and bat-shit crazy imagination the likes of which we’ve never seen in a blockbuster horror film. 

A complaint I’ve seen several times already is that the scares in It Chapter Two are repetitive and structured too similarly as those in the first film, but ultimately, that’s kind of the point, right? Over the course of existence, evil has taken many forms, but the agenda of evil is always the same. In regard to these characters who are facing down the traumas of their youth, it makes complete sense for the horror to be the same. It’s their trauma. It’s their horror. From the character perspective - these two movies *are* driven by character, after all - they are standing against their own repressed pain and learning to strip its power away so that they can free themselves. 

Speaking of the characters, there has never been a horror film(s) to have characters affect me so deeply. I love them. Even with a nearly three-hour runtime, I happily would have spent half a dozen more hours with these Losers. Each member of the adult cast is superb, as are the kids who reprise their roles in flashbacks. Bill Hader is especially perfect as the adult version of Richie Tozier. He brings necessary humor to the character, but his performance is also deeply emotional - which adds even more weight when his backstory is expanded upon. I cried and you probably will too.

Perhaps neither of the chapters would work, however, without the phenomenal performance of Bill Skarsgard as the central villain. Skarsgard, again, is so scary and convincing as Pennywise that you forget you’re watching a performance at all. It’s as though this purely evil entity, this eater of worlds, actually exists. 

None of this is to say that It Chapter Two is a perfect film, but the complaints I have are so miniscule that they didn’t alter my adoration of it in the slightest. The digital de-aging of the child actors is unfortunately noticeable and it seems that their voices are altered at times too. It can be a bit distracting if you view the films back to back and have the kids fresh in your mind. The chemistry between the adults, too, seems a bit off upon their initial reunion. This can likely be attributed to the general awkwardness of the characters in this moment since the chemistry clicks into high gear in the second act, but it still took me out of the scene momentarily.

By the time It Chapter Two wraps up, though, I was immensely moved. Muschietti’s epic packs the type of ending that makes you long for the moments of your life that are long gone while simultaneously inspiring you about the life you still have yet to live. In a future where we strip power away from evil and reduce them to the clowns that they are, the world is a beautiful place. The monsters in our closets no longer exist. We can be free to be who we are. Our pain can be healed. It almost feels like… floating.